Bon Appetit
by Foxieglove
Summary: Pietro finds the BOM another house to make into temporary headquarters, only for two of his teammates to fall in love with a small furry problem. Possibly too much love.


The next house Pietro found was a foreclosed and abandoned one. What it lacked in appearance and comfort it made up for by the lack of nosy neighbors on either side. There were the initial complaints, but they soon wavered under the logic that the BOM couldn't live posh all the time, and Pietro wanted to avoid leaving a trail of similar hideouts.

This place wasn't all that bad once it was cleaned up a little and the useless junk that the previous tenants had left was cleared out. The more useful things - like plates and cups - were cleaned and kept. The water was even running, a small mercy. Pietro had gone to the next neighborhood and collected an involuntary donation of canned items and non-perishable food to last out the week; even if they didn't stay here they could still take the food with them. It was working out just fine, except for one small furry problem.

A six-week old kitten had been hanging out around the front of the building, clearly used to free hand-outs. Or maybe it had been ditched here by the former owners. In any case, this was a problem because first Mort had seen it and then Neena, and both had fallen ridiculously under its charm. Dom and Blob had been all for kicking the thing across the street, but Pietro shot the idea down quicker than Neena could draw.

To keep the peace, he was going to humor the straight-shot with the guns. And also Mortimer, who he was sure would never speak to him again if he allowed Dominic to dropkick a kitten. Especially when it was _his_ kitten, as Mort talked about the stupid thing constantly and what they were going to feed it - since Pietro flatly refused to go out on another damned raid just for cat food.

By midweek, he was reconsidering Dom and Blob's earlier proposal, and his misgivings only intensified when he walked into the kitchen to see Mort . . . improvising. If one could call it that.

The crazy amphibian was mashing up tuna and mayo and canned sardines (Dominic was going to kill Mort when he found out, he had claimed those sardines for his very own as soon as he saw them in Pietro's loot) and gods only knew what else with the back of a fork.

"What the hell are you even making?" Pietro asked, as Mort squirted in another mayonnaise packet. "That looks sick."

"I'm making kitten food, duh. He won't eat it if it's just tuna."

"Beggars can't be choosers. If he was hungry, he wouldn't care," Pietro said, mostly just annoyed at where all Mort's attention seemed to be going lately.

"Kittens are different. Usually they have mothers who show them what's to eat. I think this one's more used to mice."

"Well, we don't have mice. Sorry, fresh out."

"Yeah, but I can get him to eat this," Mortimer said. Pietro peered over his shoulder again at the yellow-grayish mess. Mort had pulled apart the sardines to check for bones, but there were two or three fish-heads floating about in the mess.

"Ewww. I wouldn't eat that if I was a cat."

"Well, you aren't a cat, are ya?" And then, to Pietro's horror, Mort plopped a big spoonful into his mouth and chewed.

"Aaagh - gross! I thought you said that was for the cat!?" he yawped. Mort gave him a funny look.

"Yeah, it is," he said around the mouthful of goop. Pietro looked away and saw that the kitten had climbed up to the top of the refrigerator and was blinking expectantly at Mort, who was still chewing.

"So what the hell are you -" Pietro stepped aside for Mortimer as he walked to the fridge and tilted his head up, opening his mouth. The kitten lowered his head and sniffed at the contents that lie within, then delicately started to eat.

For nearly half a minute, Pietro couldn't find the words he wanted to say. Finally he managed to quaver, "Mortimer, do - do you have any idea how disgusting this is?"

"Whaaat? We're bonding!" Mort said, surprisingly articulate around the mess in his mouth. Which the kitten was still lapping up. "This is just what his mommy would do. Worked the first time I tried it too."

"I believe you're thinking of birds," Pietro said faintly. Ugh. Sick. He was _never_ going to kiss Mortimer again. Ever.

Except he already had. He already had, and they'd had the kitten since . . .

Oh dear God.

----------------

"Dominic, have you seen Pietro?" Neena asked. She was holding a tiny purring bundle in her arms.

"Eh, briefly. Why?"

"I've just been looking for him. All the toothpaste seems to be gone."

"Funny. He came in here rambling about antiseptic toothpaste and demanding why nobody made it. Then I think he left. Maybe on another raid?" Dominic shrugged and went back to watching TV.

Neena sighed. "Well crap. I was going to bug him to add cat food to that list, if he could find it. Maybe he already thought of that." She sat down on the couch and stroked the contented and completely stuffed kitten behind the ears.

She had no idea how frighteningly accurate she was.


End file.
